Heartaches and Heartbreaks

Sometimes I think hope is a terrible thing. It opens your heart and your mind to the seductive dream of endless possibility, leaving you wide open to a cruel and unforgiving world. Vulnerable--especially for a person as sensitive and easily affected as me.

Even so, hope is a dreadful yet beautiful thing that I cannot help but cling to. I try to tell myself over and over not to hope, to prepare myself for the worst, to ready myself for the disappointment of the acutest kind, yet somehow the constant drilling, the constant mantra, still fails to fully penetrate my stubbornly romantic mind. Most people mistake my low-reaching attitude for pessimism, but in truth it the only means of protection for someone so fragile and idealistic.

There are things that I want that I know I have no right wanting. There are things I wish I had that I don't deserve. Why am I so proud to think that I could deserve any of these things? I am a fool who thinks only of myself and my owen microcosmic self pities and unrealized fantasies and desires. I am constantly telling myself to be stronger, to look at the possibilities waiting in the not too distant future, to no longer dwell on the disappointments and imperfections of the present. It is easier said than done.

The lacing pain of heartbreak cuts so deeply I feel as if my heart has shattered into bits and pieces, useless fragments of what was once whole and bursting with joy. The most terrible aspect is not the pain, nor is it the empty hole in my chest that threatens to engulf me. It is the knowledge that I saw this coming, that I had prepared myself for disappointment, for sadness, yet in my youthfully romantic naivete I still allowed myself to let my qualms go, to finally allow myself to simply exist in the moment for once. For the first time, I felt the burden lifted from my weary shoulders. I was lighter, happier, affectionate, gliding through life with a small smile permanently etched on my face. It was that buoyancy which propelled me to new heights. I began to dream evermore, imaging a wonderful future that glittered in my mind like some rare and captivating jewel. To be brought from such a high to such a tremendous low feels even more cruel and sudden.

I suppose it comes down to one aspect of life that I have yet to come to terms with. It is imperfect. What is moral and righteous and beautiful will not always overcome reality's barriers. The glimmer of the perfect world lingers, tantalizingly just below the surface, but the unfair and ugly realities keep it at bay. The only thing a person can do to live in such a world is to look past all the convoluted and hazy layers to what is true within themselves.

I know that I am a good person. I have fallen, I have sinned, I have done many things I am not proud of, but even so I know that whatever hurdles and challenges life throws my way, I will emerge stronger, wiser, better. Every rejection, every disappointment, every heartache, every missed opportunity--it all leads me closer to that ever elusive perfection. I will find someone who will love me wholeheartedly, who will see all the good in me that maybe even I cannot see, that will stand by me through thick and thin. It would be foolish of me to waste tears over anything less.

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis

Hush, Hush

Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

"Romance was not part of Nora Grey's plan. She's never been particularly attracted to the boys at her school, no matter how hard her best friend, Vee, pushes them at her. Not until Patch comes along. With his easy smile and eyes that seem to see inside her, Patch draws Nora to him against her better judgment.

But after a series of terrifying encounters, Nora's not sure whom to trust. Patch seems to be everywhere she is and seems to know more about her than her closest friends. She can't decide whether she should fall into his arms or run and hide. And when she tries to seek some answers, she finds herself near a truth that is way more unsettling than anything Patch makes her feel.

For she is right in the middle of an ancient battle between the immortal and those who have fallen--and, when it comes to choosing sides, the wrong choice will cost Nora her life."

Originality (5/5): In the mass production of girl-meets-boy-who-turns-out-to-be-a-supernatural-being books, this one definitely stands out. And it's not just because the supernatural being happens to be a fallen angel (which is pretty cool). The angel mythology that makes up the subplot of this book is extremely unique; I actually wished it was more prevalent throughout the book, instead of only fully appearing towards the end.

Plot (5/5): The book has a great pace. Sometimes it may seem to be a bit on the slow side, but those are the instances that you really need to pay attention--it's all in the details. The action sequences are riveting. I was trying to switch off between reading one chapter and doing one math problem...yeah, that didn't work out so well. I ended up not finishing my math homework because I just had to keep reading. The plot twists were great, too!

Characters (5/5): Let's start with the anti-hero of the novel, Patch Cipriano. Cynical, darkly handsome, and eternally confident, this sexy fallen angel will definitely have you swooning quite a few times. At first, Patch comes across as a pretty big jerk (I didn't really care for him too much back then! Oh, how things change...). His laissez-faire attitude towards everything--especially Nora--was just plain irritating. BUT! As the novel moves forward, you see exactly why acts that way. You learn about his past--the trials and tribulations that forces him to have such a hard, cruel exterior. By the end of the book, you will definitely want to order a bumper sticker that says "I <3>

Now, on to Nora. Like I keep saying in earlier postings, I feel that this year's cropping of books has been very redeeming for the paranormal romance genre. Books like Shiver, Fire, and now Hush, Hush have given rise to some awesome book heroines that help me get over my biased hatred of them (thanks to that inane Bella Swan...). Nora is no exception. She has all the inner strength that Fire's monster heroine had and mixed with the unfailing independence that Shiver's Grace displayed, Nora is one of my favorite heroines. Ever. Her character also appealing to me because she reminds me of myself. She's a serious student and far more mature than most girls her age. Admittedly she did irk me by her stubborn "I-refuse-to-fall-for-him" attitude towards Patch...but at least she made him work for it!

Nora's best friend's name is Vee Sky (which I will never understand. I understand that it's quirky and all, but really?) and she is the polar opposite of Nora. And not just physically. She's loud, assertive, immature, and extremely boy-crazy. I don't know if this was Becca Fitzpatrick's' intention, but I don't think Vee was meant to be a very likable character in this book. She constantly gets herself into situations that Nora has to risk her own safety to save her from. She's a bit selfish--but aren't all teenagers? Once again, the friendship between Nora and Vee reminded me of my friendship with my best friend, Sarah. I'm the more bookish, quiet, "mature" one, whereas she is louder, more attention-seeking, and slightly immature in her outlook on life. I think the latter qualities describe Vee's character perfectly. You don't hate her or anything, but you definitely sympathize with Nora for having to deal with constantly having to save her butt on a daily basis. She does have some great lines in the book, though, that will definitely put a smile on her face.

The other two main characters were Elliot Saunders and Jules. So I don't reveal too much, let's just say that there is more to those two than meets the eye...you'll see!

Romance (5/5): So hot. When Patch and Nora are in the same room, the air practically crackles with unresolved sexual tension. Lets' just say there are quite a few scenes in there that will get your heart beating fast and have you wishing that you had your very own Patch...

Nora also has some great chemistry with other characters in the novel. Once again, I can't give away too much, so I can't really go in-depth with this. But let's just say, it's great!

Writing (4/5): It wasn't particularly beautiful in any way, but it was good. I wished she would have written more description--I would have appreciated knowing a little bit more about the emotions of the characters in the book other than Nora (even though I know it's narrated sfrom her perspective).

Cover (5/5): Ohmygod. LOVE THIS COVER!! The model's pose is so hot/perfect for the book. Plus, that's exactly what I pictured Patch to look like! The contrasting red and black feathers are a perfect touch as well.

Overall (29/30): 96.7%!

Favorite Quote: "Right then, I wanted to go back in time and relive every moment with him. One more secret smile, one more shared laugh. One more electric kiss. Finding him was like finding someone I didn't know I was searching for. He'd come into my life too late, and now was leaving too soon." (pg. 378)

Shiver

Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

"the cold.

Grace has spent years watching the wolves in the woods behind her house. One yellow-eyed wolf--her wolf--watches back. He feels deeply familiar to her, but she doesn't know why.

the heat.

Sam has lived two lives. As a wolf, he keeps the silent company of the girl he loves. And then, for a short time each year, he is human, never daring to talk to Grace...until now.

the shiver.

For Grace and Sam, love has always been kept at a distance. But once it's spoken, it cannot be denied. Sam must fight to stay human--and Grace must fight to keep him--even if it means taking on the scars of the past, the fragility of the present, and the impossibility of the future."

Originality (5/5): A lot of people automatically condemned this book to being a part of the post-Twilight craze genre. They're missing out. The originality of this book is not blatant--it is very subtle. On the surface it seems like a classic boy-meets-girl but, oh wait, boy-is-supernatural story. And, on the surface, that is exactly what the book depicts. But it is so much more. Having read and loved Maggie Stiefvater's debut novel, Lament: The Faerie Queen's Deception, I was afraid that Shiver would fall short in terms of innovativeness and creativity. It did not. Though the entire premise and setting is extremely realistic, the concept is entirely fresh and untainted by previous novels. In short, this is a beautiful novel that stands all on its own.

Plot (5/5): Lovely plot. Though it is definitely not one of those "out-there" plots that stretches reality, it flows along with the writing and characters smoothly. It was heart-wrenching and heartwarming--all at the same time.

Characters (5/5): I adored every single one of the characters. Starting with Sam. I found his boyish, sweet, gentle nature beyond heartwarming. He is quite possibly the most perfect blend of nice-guy and bad-boy I've ever seen. Scarred by his past, he is tentative and unsure of himself with people other than his pack. Then Grace comes into his life, and she pulls him out of his shell. She helps him remember his humanity, makes him happy. To him, she is the most beautiful girl in the world, the girl he has watched for years from a distance. And once that distance is crossed, it is like a whole new world to him.

Sam has quite a few adorable quirks, such as his habit of sporadically composing song lyrics ("You're my change of skin / my summer-winter-fall / I spring to follow you / this loss is beautiful."). Or his innately romantic nature. Basically, Sam is the perfect guy. Not to mention he's (to me) drop-dead gorgeous.

When I found myself liking Grace's character, I was momentarily shocked. I usually never like the heroines in these kinds of books--they tend to be needy, dependent, damsel-in-distress types who whine and complain whenever their macho love interest isn't there to aid them. Grace is completely different. She's strong-willed, direct, honest, and generous. And unlike the girls who play hard to get, she herself is the one pushing things with the ever-tentative Sam. She saves him at the very beginning of the book, no questions asked, and throughout the novel does whatever she can to save their love. She's determined and never gives up on Sam. Never. I found myself having a kind of "girl crush" on Grace. She is a rare breed in the literary world--a girl who can be tenacious and independent while still loving and warm.

The smattering of other side characters captivated me as well. From Isabelle the prissy girl with a soft spot, to Beck, Sam's mentor who is not the saint he appears to be, I loved them all. Maggie Stiefvater did an amazing job creating these wonderfully three-dimensional characters who are both likable and relatable.

Romance (5/5): Wow. I was definitely feeling the butterflies in my stomach while reading this. It was that good. I wish I could rate this above a five, because this couple definitely deserved it. Sam and Grace's chemistry practically radiates off of the pages. They fit together so perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle, and each brings out a whole new side of the other. They perfectly encompass teenage sexual tension and a love that goes far deeper--soulmate status.

Writing (5/5): Probably the best writing I've ever seen in a young adult novel. The words aren't particularly complex, the style is fairly simple, but the simplicity is undeniably beautiful and impossibly fluid. There are simple phrases throughout the book that sound impossibly lovely ("I was wild and tame and pulled into shreds and crushed into being all at once.").

Cover (5/5): The simplicity and subtlety of this cover matches the style of the book perfectly. I love the semi-hidden wolf! Yay Sam <3!

Overall (100/100): 100%!! (It really should be at least 120%, but what can you do...)

Favorite Quote: "I was idiotically entranced by the way he said "Grace." The tone of it. The way his lips formed the vowels. The timbre of his voice stuck in my head like music." (p. 278)

Fire

Fire by Kristin Cashore

"It is not a peaceful time in the Dells. The young King Nash clings to his throne while rebel lords in the north and south build armies to unseat him. The mountains and forests are filled with spies and thieves and lawless men.

This is where Fire lives. With a wild, irresistible appearance and hair the color of flame, Fire is the last remaining human monster. Equally hated and adored, she has the unique ability to control minds, but she guards her power, unwilling to steal the secrets of innocent people. Especially whens she has so many of her own.

Then Prince Brigan comes to bring her to King City. The royal family needs her help to uncover the plot against the king. Far away from home, Fire begins to realize there's more to her power than she ever dreamed. Her power could save the kingdom.

If only she weren't afraid of becoming the monster her father was."

Originality (5/5): The entire concept of this book was beyond brilliant. I've read tons of books where the girl saves the kingdom--including Graceling, Kristin Cashore's debut novel--but this one put the rest to shame. The world created for this girl to live in was so complex and well thought out. "The Dells", the country where Fire lives, is believable, even with bright-colored monster animals running around. But by far the best idea of this book was the concept of an impossibly beautiful human monster. I'll get into this more in the character section, but just know that you will probably never read a book quite like this one.

Plot (5/5): As I had previously mentioned, this book is obviously a well-crafted masterpiece. The plot is quick-paced and has the perfect amount of twists and turns to keep you reading into the wee hours of the morning (in my case, 6:00 AM!). There are multiple plotlines that are seemingly separate at first, but then fluidly tie together to make for a wonderful read.

Characters (5/5): Where to start...Fire, obviously. This girl has to be one of my favorite book heroines of all time. And that's saying something. Fire is beyond gorgeous, with hair that goes well beyond flame-red, and a face and body to die for. Equally as amazing, Fire, more so than all other monsters, has the power to influence people's minds. At first, I thought Kristin Cashore would have a difficult time crafting a believable heroine that encompassed this amount of beauty. My doubts dissipated after reading the very first page. You would expect Fire to be a vain, self-absorbed woman who uses her power to her advantage. After all, she is a monster. Wrong. Fire is a strong woman, but behind that mask of strength she is full of self-doubt and self-hatred. She is ashamed and embarrassed of who she is, and especially feels a deep sense of shame for the actions of her nefarious father, Cansrel.

Cansrel's character was actually one of the most interesting in the entire novel, even though he's never physically present in any of the scenes. The most beautiful man on earth, Cansrel utilized his powers for manipulation and acts of cruelty, which accounts for Fire's deeply set belief that her powers should never be used on others except in cases of self-defense. Cansrel is obviously the villain of the novel, but like all well-developed characters, he is more than two-dimensional. In the political world, he is conniving, ruthless, and willing to do whatever it takes to maintain his place at the king's side. He shamelessly manipulates King Nax (the current King Nash's father) and eventually drives the poor king to his death. But his love for his daughter is something not quite endearing, but definitely warming. He dotes on Fire and treats her like a prized possession. And despite all else, Fire loves him, for whatever he does, he is, and always will be, her father.

Fire's transformation throughout the novel is heartwarming and captivating; at the end of the book, you are left with a distinct love for the beautiful monster-woman. In fact, I actually ended up sort of idolizing her (I even considered dying my hair red!).

Archer is one of Fire's love interests. Handsome and mischievous, he is your typical noble playboy who beds pretty much every woman in sight, but holds Fire above all others. Childhood friends, they grew up together, and when their relationship became more than "just friends", they become lovers. Archer knows Fire best, and vice versa. He loves her (more than she loves him, sadly), and has an inconsolable, possessive jealousy that threatens to destroy their relationship.

Brigan is the last main character of the book. He is described as being plain-looking, but it is his personality that makes him handsomer than all the rest. He is young, only twenty-two, but already is the military commander of the King's Army, and a brilliant one at that. He has a boyish obsession with horses--oh, boys and their toys. But beyond all this, he has a deeply embedded hatred for the man who caused his father's death--Cansrel. And, as a result, Fire herself. The first meeting between Brigan and Fire is practically crackling with tension (and I don't just mean sexual!). He loathes her for what--and who--she is, and she only feels more ashamed because of it. As the story progresses, these two seemingly polar opposite people find themselves more and more attracted to each other...yum.

Some minor characters that I love: King Nash (Major stud. Has an unrequited love for Fire), Garan (wise-cracking prince), and Musa (blatant "tells it like it is" guard--gotta love honesty).

Romance (5/5): The book practically sizzles with unresolved tension. Need I say more? The love triangle (square perhaps?) is just too good. Each prospective love interest is equally as good as the next. Though there was a clear-cut pick at the end, I found that I ended up wishing she could just have them all!

Writing (5/5): Perfect.

Cover (5/5): Beautiful cover art. These colors are exactly what I pictured to be in Fire's hair.

Overall (30/30): 100%!!

Favorite Quote: "Her scarf slipped off and released the shimmering prism of her hair: sunrise, poppy, copper, fuchsia, flame. Red, brighter than the blood soaking the pathway." (p. 24)

The Tear Collector

The Tear Collector by Patrick Jones

"Between hookups, makeups, and breakups, there isn't a day at Lapeer High School without drama turning to trauma turning to tears.

And tears are just as essential as air for Cassandra Gray. She and her family are vampires who thirst for human sorrow, and the energy that they soak in from a good crying jag can keep them fueled up for days.

Anytime a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, Cass is there. Anytime a boyfriend gets too secure, she breaks his heart. Cass's work as a school peer counselor and hospital volunteer also provides the perfect cover and access to her family's energy source. But she is getting tired of all the lies and manipulation--especially now that she's actually fallen in love with a human. Can she bear to betray her family for a chance at happiness and a life lived with joy?"

Originality (5/5): To be honest, I picked up this book because I was in the mood for some sappy vampire-human love story. I got something completely different. Yes, Cassandra is a kind of "vampire"--specifically, an energy vampire. She absorbs human tears. This is the premise that really enticed me to take this book seriously. It takes about twenty or so pages to really get into the book, but once you do, it's a definite page-turner that will keep you up half the night (it certainly kept me up!). The characters are quirky and refreshingly different from the bland macho Twilight-esque personas that have taken over the category of vampire fiction.

Plot (4/5): In terms of plot, The Tear Collector was well-developed and fresh enough to be interesting. It took a common literary theme and twisted it enough that you kept reading--not because you particularly cared about the characters, but more because you just wanted to see what happened.

Characters (3/5): The main character, Cassandra, is not a do-no-wrong heroine that you are meant to instinctively like. She is incapable of feeling love or any emotion like it, and she manipulates the situations around her to suit her and her family's needs shamelessly. Based on this description, a prospective reader may be deterred from reading the book. But don't be fooled. It is exactly this nature that allows for an incredible amount of character transformation throughout the book. Cassandra's nature is what makes her interesting and appealing as a narrator. She provides such a unique and intensely flawed perspective on the cliched goings-on of a regular Michigan high school. The reader will definitely empathize as she breaks out of her shell and finally experiences emotions.

Cassandra's love interest is quite the opposite. A good Catholic boy who loves his grandmother dearly and defends God on a regular basis, Scott Gerard's "mix of shyness and sly comments" fascinates Cassandra. All of her previous boyfriends have loved her for purely superficial reasons, and as a result, she has always thought of boys as disposable items that exist simply as an energy source. But Scott is different. He's not handsome--scruffy and bedraggled would be more appropriate terms to describe him--but he's intelligent and unfailingly kind. Despite all this, I didn't ever find that I particularly liked Scott at all. He was always too nice, too kind-hearted. I found it a bit unbelievable. Maybe I'm prejudiced because I'm a sucker for those devastatingly handsome book heroes, but I felt that Scott had plenty of time in the book to impress me and make up for his lack of surface appeal. He didn't.

The third character was a goth-girl named Samantha. I don't have much to say about her. She's the typical physically and emotionally scarred emo kid who's retreated into a shell and spends her time writing vampire fiction and surfing MySpace. I can see that Jones was probably trying to introduce a common stereotype and develop it into something more, but it just didn't work. I found Samantha whiny, and I couldn't feel anything more than pity towards her. Before Cassandra began her relationship with Scott, Samantha and Scott had been an item. Once again, Jones failed to make the primary relationship in the novel appealing. Throughout the book, I kept on wishing that Samantha would get back together with Scott. Those two outcasts deserved each other.

Romance (2/5): The progression of his and Cassandra's relationship was too fast, too unbelievable. I didn't sense the chemistry between them. In fact, I sensed more tension between Cassandra and her betrothed Alexei, whom the author had created to be the "villain" of the novel. A reader should not be rooting for the heroine to dump the projected "hero" of the book and get together with the creepy distant cousin who kidnaps kids and tortures them...

Writing (4/5): The writing was also unconventional, but in a good way. I enjoyed the modern teen slang Jones threw in there from time to time. The ending, however, was a different story. I know writers like to be deliberately vague when they end a novel because it gives the book an aura of "mystery", but the ending was such that it left the nature of Cassandra's character up for debate. Without spoiling anything, the two possible interpretations of the ending either leave us seeing Cassandra as heartless as she was in the beginning, or they leave us seeing her as more mature and responsible. It definitely affects the entire perception of the book.

Cover (1/5): Eh. Just eh.

Final Ratings: 19/30 = 63.33%

Favorite Quote: "My family finds energy in tears; humanity finds it in love." (p. 259)